1 April 2016

Peasant Polly’s Soups & Stews is coming to Evergreen

Kalispell, HANS. There’s good news today for hearty eaters who are weary of pretentious restaurants that sell overpriced, undernourishing food: Peasant Polly’s Soups & Stews plans to open one of its famed chow down shacks in Evergreen sometime after Memorial Day.

Known for its huge servings of steaming, spicy, savory, meat laden victuals — there’s only one vegan dish on the menu — Peasant Polly’s has become wildly popular with men and women working 6,000 calories a day jobs, and with hikers, hunters, and other outdoorsmen.

“Our market research revealed the Flathead is starved for an unpretentious eating establishment with muscle fueling food and fair prices,” said Curtis “Stumpmaker” Sorenson, the Polly’s spokesman who worked as an old growth sawyer before obtaining a doctorate in chefeteering from the Boiling Water and Beans School of Cookin’ in Bacon, Georgia. “Northwest Montana’s outdoor lifestyle is a perfect fit for our menu and philosophy.”

Sorenson promised the Evergreen Polly’s menu would include these favorite soups and stews:

• Smoked split pea with ham soup
• Chicken soup with vegetables and wide noodles
• Smoked 3-bean beef chili with sweet peppers, onion, and jalapeño
• Wild Alaska salmon chowder with soy milk and seaweed
• Sharp cheddar potato soup with horseradish and green onions
• Beef and brown rice stew with sweet peppers, onions, mushrooms, and celery
• Certified vegan multi-bean soup with sweet onions and lentils
• Highland mutton and barley jalapeno stew with carrots and other root vegetables

Polly’s will hire locally except for the initial managers, Sorenson told Flathead Memo. “We need experienced mangers who understand our business. They’ll be good people. A lot of our top people want to work near the Bob Marshall Wilderness. Otherwise, we’ll hire and train local workers — even graduates of that culinary institute at the local community college, provided they’re willing to learn to cook regular food for regular guys, and won’t be embarrassed by menus in English instead of French.”

All new hires at Polly’s spend a week at what amounts to a restaurant boot camp in Georg ia, mastering kitchen safety and cooking Polly’s foods. Sorenson dismissed accusations that the boot camp’s real purpose is deprogramming food snob culinary arts students. “There’s sometimes a need for that,” he agreed, “but we leave that to Rev. Kay El and her Sour Rhubarb Church.”

Polly’s will pay a minimum of $15 per hour, said Sorenson. “And we’ll provide health insurance until this country comes to its senses and adopts a universal cradle to grave single payer health health care system.”

“By the way, when Bernie gets to Kalispell, Polly’s is where he’ll eat. Hillary? She’ll dine at the culinary institute with the French language menus and snooty faculty. And Donald? Well, here’s the deal: we’ll serve him, but he has to pay in advance and eat it on his jet. We do sell take-out for take off.”